Tag Archive for ‘Parenting’

RESCUE DISTANCE EXCEEDED

Samanta Shweblin is the writer of an acclaimed short novel called Distancia de Rescate, the translation of which (renamed Fever Dream) has recently been longlisted for the Booker. ‘Distancia de Rescate’ translates to ‘Rescue Distance’, a term Samanta invented to describe the variable safe distance between a mother and child. I haven’t read the book yet (I may not ever, it sounds terrifying) but I immediately identify with rescue distance. […]

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That Wednesday Night Feeling

School goes back tomorrow and I have a serious case of Sunday blues except on a Wednesday. I am grateful that they are back on a Thursday just for two days and then home again for a long weekend. Nothing like easing one back into routine by stuffing up the routine after two days. I mean I can’t possibly pack lunches more than twice in a row just yet. I have […]

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Contains Curmudgeonly Rant

I am worried. I mean I’m always slightly worried, because I’m a mother and worrying is my job. But lately there’s been greater cause for concern and worry. I hate to worry. It seems pointless because the things I worry about are invariably things I can do nothing about and because it ages my brow only further (this is not something I classify as a worry, more a vanity, which […]

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THE HANGOVER (with kids)

So yesterday I had a hangover. Naturally I am now a sworn convert to clean living in which my body is a serious temple into which I will pour only substances of the highest nutrient value. Such as avocado juice and dried cricket powder and such. I mean if I can pour vanilla flavoured ethyl alcohol down my greedy gullet until I wiggle my bottom to “Shaking that ass” then […]

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PLOTTING REVENGE

I posted this song a while ago but then it disappeared. Maybe wordpress has some kind of moderation process in which crappy stuff gets ditched, or maybe there’s a ghostie in my laptop. Speaking of, I just that second splashed a large mouthful of wine on my keyboard, which may well contribute to misbehaving ghosties, disappearing posts and lost data. The wine is a little consolation-celebration for the beginning of the […]

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SPAGHETTI DAYS

This bit of writing is an attempt to un-paralyse myself from a state of overwhelmedness (and apparent issues with expression). Often when I walk into the supermarket I am suddenly stopped in my tracks by a sense of ‘what was I here for?’. Even if I have a list I am assaulted by the enormous array of stuff – stuff in season, stuff on special, stuff on display, new stuff, […]

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HELP WANTED

So this evening I stood between my children and the telly and said, “You are allowed telly not because you’ve been good – you haven’t, you’ve been little bumholes ALL WEEK. You are allowed telly because I’ve been bad, I’ve been a great big bumhole, and I’m sorry.” I have been bad. Bad mother bad; which is not murderous fraudulent thievery, lying, cheatin’ bad but couldn’t be bothered to do […]

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WIND THE CLOCKS AND POLISH THE POT

My life is generally out of (varying degrees of) control. Mostly that’s ok because the bits that are out of control are the bits that don’t concern me too much. Like the state of my car. Living on dirt roads with three farm children renders car cleaning pretty pointless. I clean it thoroughly when circumstances render de-dirting absolutely necessary, like luncheon with the Governor or something. The family photo situation […]

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A Catalogue of Horrendous and Terrifying Events

Dear Bogans Children, I’m writing this because I think we need a record of the horrendous things you had to endure in your childhood, the things that sent you reeling through the house in flails and wails of grief; the horrific events that had you bearing your teeth in retribution and declaring war on all and sundry; the terrible acts of violence inflicted on you that saw you collapse and […]

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BEATEN

So it’s the last official day of the school holidays and, with properly nasty weather driving icy salt into my holiday wounds, I am thoroughly, absolutely and entirely defeated. De.Feat.Ed. Today, in a last ditch effort to brighten our sickness-ridden, no-holiday holidays, I drove the children out of the bad weather of home into the bad weather of the city. There was a lot of whinging and arguing about what […]

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