AWAITING THE BLOOM

I have just wandered past a very old cemetery in Richmond. The gravestones are at the site of a long-gone Congregational Chapel. Many of the headstones apparently didn’t survive so there are an unknown number of unmarked graves. Not many of the people who lie here lived to be very old. If I were to work out the average age (I won’t because I am terrible at maths), I think […]

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HELP WANTED

So this evening I stood between my children and the telly and said, “You are allowed telly not because you’ve been good – you haven’t, you’ve been little bumholes ALL WEEK. You are allowed telly because I’ve been bad, I’ve been a great big bumhole, and I’m sorry.” I have been bad. Bad mother bad; which is not murderous fraudulent thievery, lying, cheatin’ bad but couldn’t be bothered to do […]

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HOME

I have only just returned from a holiday in the tropics which involved swimming in sublime turquoise ocean, sipping cocktails with a really good book and not having to make beds, clean or cook. But I tell you, this day – this Tuesday in the Schoolhouse with my cup of buddha’s tears and the smells of spring outside and old books inside and the sound of nothing but my keyboard […]

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Postcard from the South Pacific

Dear Everyone, I write to you from the Fiji Islands. I know. I’m a lucky bugger. I would say, “wish you were here” except that pretty much everyone appears to be here already. Which is great of course because we all want to holiday where the rest of Australia is holidaying, don’t we? Australians, in general, are such becoming and personable travel companions after all. Especially when there are buffets […]

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THE TRUTH ABOUT ME AND THE BACHELOR

So there are a few reasons why Megoracle has been a bit void of intelligent material of late. A couple of them I can’t disclose (I know, mysterious hey; I love a bit of enigma) but one of them I will, even though I thought I should keep it well hidden under the guise of erudition and perspicacity (see I’m already breaking out the big words as I preempt your shrinking […]

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EGGSHELL DAY

I know I’ve banged on about hormones before but I need to again in the hopes the very act of banging on again might get me through this month’s barrage of harrumph. Here’s my first thought when I woke to the rising run today: “Oh for God sake day, fuck OFF”. That’s when you know things are going to be a little grumpy. And then you realise it’s Tuesday which […]

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WIND THE CLOCKS AND POLISH THE POT

My life is generally out of (varying degrees of) control. Mostly that’s ok because the bits that are out of control are the bits that don’t concern me too much. Like the state of my car. Living on dirt roads with three farm children renders car cleaning pretty pointless. I clean it thoroughly when circumstances render de-dirting absolutely necessary, like luncheon with the Governor or something. The family photo situation […]

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A Catalogue of Horrendous and Terrifying Events

Dear Bogans Children, I’m writing this because I think we need a record of the horrendous things you had to endure in your childhood, the things that sent you reeling through the house in flails and wails of grief; the horrific events that had you bearing your teeth in retribution and declaring war on all and sundry; the terrible acts of violence inflicted on you that saw you collapse and […]

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MRS MARY WINTERS

This is the other story that didn’t win the Country Style Short Story Competition. Most of it was written here in the schoolhouse, with some input from Kel. I started writing it just after 37 year old Olga Neubert was fatally shot by her ex-husband in Hobart in May this year. White Ribbon Day is on Nov 25th, pop it in your diaries. Violence against women is NEVER OK. MRS […]

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Fucked Up Friday

There are some truly fucking fucked up people in the world aren’t there. And if you feel offended by my language then stop reading now probably because I might get more fucking colourful on account of those fuckers who do stuff like shoot lions and other fucking fucked up stuff way more offensive than saying fuck a bit lot. I’m grumpy and may or may not be a few days […]

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