So today was a shambles. In light of the horrific famine in Somalia and the tragic house fire in Queensland, I do hate to complain, but I am thinking I can reflect on the day, learn something from it and then not be too cross with my bogan children tomorrow.
So firstly here is a precis of the day:
Wake at 6:05 (too fucking early for this non-morning person) to “Muuuuuuuu-uuuum, it’s day time when can I watch telly?” Groan – for the rest of your life if you just let me sleep. Wake up four minutes later to “Aaaaaaaaaah!! Muuuuum!!!!” and blood all over the sheets. Bleeding nose (don’t feel sorry for him it’s all because he picks it). Right. Strip bed. Get up. Book week parade preparations. Dress Alice in Wonderland. Lovely. Dress Harry the Dog. Harry the Dog has a meltdown because he wants to be Spiderman. Tell him nonsense Spiderman is a film. Harry the Dog sheds his costume and sulks through breakfast. Baby wakes. Poos everywhere. Run bath. Alice in Wonderland and Harry the Dog fight. Harry goes to naughty step. Sponge vegemite from Alice in Wonderland’s pinny and tell Harry the Dog he’s naughty and in the dog house. Feel wave of self pity as no one laughs at my joke. Finally get all into car (twenty minutes late and Harry costume squashed into school bag). Arrive at school where Harry the Dog has extension of crisis of confidence and howls. I accompany him and Alice in Wonderland – along with baby and bad temper into gym for parade on the proviso that Harry wears his spotty dog suit. He obeys and complies until he sees two spidermans, one superman and some pirates. Refuses to go on stage without me so I lead him onto the stage – with baby and bad temper – where he howls some more and hides behind me. Feel tantrum coming on (mine) so leave him in hands of competent, patient (superhuman) kinder teacher and leave. Arrive home to beautiful sunny day and total relief. Air house, air pillows and bedding outside and peg out huge load of wash. Ah, spring and sun and spring cleaning is such blessed relief. Sudden cold front comes through along with downpour. Un-peg washing, chuck in drier and hang doonas about living room. Power goes out. Pick up tired, grumpy Harry the Dog (no costume) and grubby Alice in Wonderland. Still no power. As they grizzle about no ABC kids I make sandwiches for dinner. Power comes back on. They want red sausages. I tell them to shove their sausages and get in the bath. Harry the Dog asks whether we can have Book Week again tomorrow.
Things I have learned from all this:
1) A study first published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology has found that morning people are more proactive, more successful in business and better at problem solving. Evening people – or night owls – are generally more creative, more intelligent and have a better sense of humour. Whether you are a morning or evening person is greatly determined by your genetic ‘chronotype‘.
2) A recent sudy has found that watching an hour of television is as bad for your health as smoking two cigarettes.
3) If you are susceptible to bleeding noses it is likely that the blood vessels inside your nose are more superficial than those who don’t have nose bleeds.
4) Book Week is the longest running children’s festival in Australia. It is 66 years old. This year’s picture book (for ages birth to 18) joint winner went to Nicki Greenberg’s graphic novel, Hamlet, which features Hamlet having sex with Ophelia.
5) Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’s by Lewis Caroll (Charles Dodgson) had a mad hatter because “mad as a hatter” was a common expression, originating from the fact that mercury was used in the making of hats, which left milliners with a tremble, prone to agression, mood swings and anti social behaviour.
6) Spider-Man placed 3rd on IGN’s Top 100 Comic Book Heroes of All Time in 2011. He was of course, a comic, before he was a film (durr Mum).
7) Vegemite was renamed “Parwill” in 1928 to compete against Marmite and make use of the advertising slogan, “Marmite but Parwill”. It didn’t work and the name was changed back to Vegemite in 1935.
8) Spring has long been recognised as the time for a thorough cleaning because it is warm enough to open doors to let out dust and cleaning fumes, but not warm enough for insects to fly in.
9) Cold fronts can move up to twice as fast as warm fronts and can produce more sudden changes in weather. Cold air is denser than warm air, so rapidly dispels warmth. A cold front is usually linked to an area of high pressure.
10) The largest power outage in history occurred in Bali and Java when 100 million people lost power for seven hours.
11) If your sausage ingredients label reads “variety meats“, it means they are bulked with offal.
12) Mother’s should get annual leave, time in lieu and – as a wise blogger suggested to me today, (thank you vinosandbabycinos.blogspot.com) an expense account for booze and babysitters.