In China, almost 10,000 marriages end in divorce per day. Good golly. In Australia, almost every third marriage ends in divorce. This to me, indicates that to make marriage work, you need 1) to put some effort in and 2) a generous serve of luck.
Ten years ago today, on the 10th of April 2004, I myself entered the institution of marriage. I feel both lucky and proud to be able to say I am VERY happy to remain married for the decades to come. Here’s why I think mine’s working:
1) I found myself a goodie. Thank goodness, when I was 28 and capable of all sorts of stupidity (unlike the me of today, clearly), I somehow had the sense to say yes to his proposal (in a room of the Sydney Intercontinental, I was ironing. He had planned it for the night before over dinner but I ruined it by getting carried away by all the luxury and getting pissed).
2) We put in the hard yards. And there’s no doubt, elements of sharing pretty much everything with someone are going to be very bloody hard, sometimes impossible. But when it does get impossible you have to learn the art of compromise. And it’s life long learning, you never graduate. Every act of compromise will teach you new things about yourself and new ways to be kind or generous or strong or patient. How not to be a pain in the arse or selfish or get all ‘woe is me’. I’m still learning these last few – he already had them down pat I think when he was born which is wonderful but slightly unfortunate because that makes me the baddie in most areas of conflict.
3) We laugh. Mostly about farts. You just have to laugh.
And here’s a bonus tip – when you kiss, which should be a minimum of once a day, kiss for at least four long seconds. It means that for at least four long seconds you are focused on each other and not the crumbs on the floor or the kid with the stuck zip or other daily irritants. And because science tells us that kissing transfers testosterone from the male’s mouth to the female’s, which is absorbed through the woman’s mucus membranes and sets of the horny vibes. And every married couple needs horny vibes – spark, attraction, spice, lust, concupiscence, passion, desire, randiness, hanky-panky-no-wanky etc etc. Kissing, a pretty strange act on the face of it, has it’s roots (hee hee) in good old (ancient in fact) basic reproductive instincts. Hooray for the kiss. Here’s one, ten years ago today:
Happy 10th Husband Richard. Here’s to a pole dancing bride and beer in long necks – two classy additions to our wedding (thanks for the reminder G).
Here’s a classy poem (with wonky metre) to match:
If I were a dandelion, you’d be my wind.
If I were the highlands, you would be my fling.
If I were security, you’d be my brawn.
If you were a sprinkler, I would be your lawn.
I could probably live without you,
But I’d be a boat without a crew.
Or some shine without a shoe.
It would be boring,
I would be snoring,
Like a book without a story,
Sort of defective, ineffective
A thesis with no objective,
I’d be at an arse end,
And I’d have no best friend,
A nut with no screw,
If I didn’t have you.